OMG WHY AM I LAUGHING
@pyrogothlol life dream.
noactuallywerejustgoodfriends:
IF YOU ARE A SPN FAN STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGTH NOW AND WATCH. PLEASE. AND ENJOY THE FEELING.
npr:
Ooooo.
Genetics of the Beautiful “Glass Gem” Corn
Corn gone viral? You’re looking at an ear of a corn variety called “Glass Gem”, grown by Greg Schoen of Seeds Trust. This is real corn! How does it grow this way?
First you have to understand a few things about corn. Each corn kernel is actually a sort of unique plant. A corn plant’s male parts (the “tassels”) sit at the top of the stalk, and drop pollen downward. Unfertilized ears (the female parts) catch the pollen with the sticky ends of their corn silks. Each corn silk (I hate when that gets in my teeth) grabs a pollen grain, shuttles it allllllll the way down inside the ear, eventually creating one kernel for each pollen-silk-ovum combination. It’s one of the more interesting and inefficient breeding schemes I know of.
If you’ve taken genetics, you know that the parents’ genes will combine by chance, leading to certain ratios of inheritance in the offspring. This is the basis of Mendelian genetics (great Khan Academy video here).
With corn, we’ve simply carefully bred all the interestingness out of them. Native Americans were used to multi-colored corn, because corn plants held many varieties of color genes that could combine at random. Now all we are left with are one-color clones.
This “Glass Gem” corn is the other extreme of the spectrum, a combination of corn color hybrid genes and random pollination. It’s almost too pretty to eat!
(via Discover Magazine)
BRITISH VERSION OF THIS:
1. BOIL THE KETTLE - IF YOU HAVE TO USE A STOVE OR MICROWAVE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR HOUSE
2. USE ANY WATER IN EXISTENCE - FUCK FILTERING THAT SHIT YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE YOUR SHOW IS BACK ON IN 5 MINUTES PRESS A
3. THROW WHATEVER THE HELL TEABAG YOU HAVE IN THERE - FUCK LOOSE TEA THAT IS FOR WHEN YOU ORDER TEA OUTSIDE
4. USE YOUR STIRRING TEABAG METHOD OF CHOICE, ADD SUGAR/SWEETENER LIKE A BOSS OR NOT IF YOU ARE A HEALTHY BOSS
5. GRUMBLE LIKE A FISHERMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE KETTLE AREA TO GO TO THE FRIDGE TO GET MILK AND BACK TO IT AGAIN AFTER YOU ADD IT
6. RUN BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING, TAKE A COMFORT SIP AND THEN EITHER FINISH IT OR FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOAN ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU LET IT GO COLD
****
EDIT: IF YOU CAN’T SPOT IF NOT FROM THIS ALONE THEN THE NATURE OF MY TUMBLR THAT I’M NOT MAKING A DIG AT HER COMIC SIMPLY POINTING OUT HOW LAZY WE ARE OVER HERE WITH TEA THEN GET OFF THE INTERNET. THE COMIC COVERS ALL TEA OPTIONS. COME AT ME BRO.THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION
JUST GET THE BLOODY BILLY ON THE FIRE AND THROW IN A FISTFUL OF TEA FOR EACH BUGGER AFTER THE WATER BOILS
TAKE OFF FIRE
WAIT UNTIL IT REACHES DESIRED STRENGTH
CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING A SPOON STOOD UPRIGHT IN IT IS IDEAL
WHACK BILLY TO ENCOURAGE SINKING OF TEA LEAVES
POUR IT OUT
ADD AS MUCH MILK AND SUGAR AS YOU LIKE OR NOT AT ALL
VEGEMITE IS ACCEPTABLEDRINK IT DOWN WHILE RIDING OFF INTO THE OUTBACK ON YOUR BIG RED KANGAROO ON A SADDLE MADE OF DROPBEAR PELTS, WITH YOUR TRUSTY BRUMBY PACKING ALONG YOUR SWAG AND A DINGO BY YOUR SIDE
CHEERS MATE
CANADIAN VERSION
WHAT IS ENGLAND DOING?
OK NOW COPY THAT SHIT AND JUST CHANGE A FEW THINGS
NO PUSSY REAL “TEAWARE”, WE HAVE NORMAL COFFEE MUGS FOR THAT SHIT.
USE WHATEVER APPLIANCE YOU WANT TO HEAT THE DAMN WATER, YEAH WE SIGNED OUR FUCKING FREEDOM. NO ONE SAID IT WAS MANDATORY FOR KETTLES!
SIT LIKE A CLASSY MAN/WOMAN AND WAIT FOR IT TO BOIL
EAT SOME BACON
THROW A TEABAG IN THERE, LOOSE TEA IS FOR MY MONARCHIST AUNT.
DUMP SO MUCH SUGAR IN IT THAT YOU GET DIABETES AND SO MUCH MILK THAT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND MILK THE COW, BETSY.
TAKE A SIP.
SCALD YOURSELF AND ALMOST DROP MUG, SPILLING IT DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR BACK IN THE PROCESS.
REALIZE TEA ISN’T TOO MUCH OF YOUR THING AND GO BACK TO COFFEE.
AMERICAN VERSION
FIND A CUP(?) (ANY CLEAN, CUP-LIKE INSTRUMENT WILL WORK)
FILL IT WITH TAP WATER
ADD FIVE SPOONFULS OF INSTANT ICED TEA POWDER
STIR THAT SHIT SO HARD YOU SPILL SOME ON THE COUNTER, LET GO OF THE SPOON SO YOU CAN WATCH IT SPIN
DRINK IT AND CHOKE BECAUSE IT’S TOO SWEET
POUR SOME INTO THE SINK AND ADD WATER IN HOPES THAT IT WILL TASTE ACCEPTABLE
REPEAT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT
ADD ICE CUBES AND A STRAW TO ENHANCE CLASSINESS
FINNISH VERSION
FUCK THE KETTLE, JUST TAKE THE PAIL FROM THE SAUNAIF THE WATER ISN’T BOILING, YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG
TOSS THE BIRCH VIHTA IN THE WATER AND LET IT SEEP FOR A WHILE
GET A BOTTLE OF VODKA
DRINK THE VODKA
FORGET THE “TEA” UNTIL IT COOLS DOWN
RINSE YOUR NAKED BODY WITH THE BIRCH TEA
GO ROLL IN THE SNOW AND SCREAM FOR YOUR ANCIENT GODS
NORWEGIAN VERSION
BOIL WATER IN ELECTRIC KETTLE
TAKE OUT INSTANT COFFEE
DRINK COFFEE
…WHAT DO YOU MEAN “TEA”?
SOUTHERN VERSION
GET A POT AND PUT SOME WATER AND A BUNCH OF TEA BAGS IN THAT SONOFABITCH
BOIL THAT SHIT
PUT THAT SHIT IN A PITCHER
ADD SUGAR
KEEP ADDING SUGAR
NO, YOU’RE NOT DONE YET
WHEN THE SUGAR HAS REACHED ITS SATURATION POINT AND IS NO LONGER ACTUALLY DISSOLVING IN BOILING WATER THEN YOU’RE DONE
(i am not making this up i know people who make it that way)
FILL THE REST OF THAT SHIT UP WITH WATER AND PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE ICEBOX
ENJOY THAT SHIT WITH A NICE TASTY PLATE OF DEEP-FRIED THINGS
How To Make Tea. In multiple countries.
Southern version is straight up accurate. No lie. If you are putting less than 20 odd cups of sugar into a small pot of tea, you are doing it wrong.
Only problem is the South doesn’t have “Tea”. We have “SweeTea” only one T. If you say sweet tea you’re a goddamn yankee. Or from Florida. Same thing.
I’d actually like to chime in here on the southern tea. My only point of disagreement would be that you could dump a shit ton of ICE into the hot tea, post sugar-adding, and not water. The ice melts and pretty much dilutes the tea, same as the water would, but it gets it to a perfect temp for pouring into a glass over MORE ICE. That’s just how my grandma did it. :D
Also she would stick it in the sun for HOURS for some reason. But it tasted amazing. I always ask for sweet tea when I head north even if they don’t have any. WHY DO THEY OFFER YOU SUGAR AND COLD UNSWEET TEA?? DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND HOW SUGAR CRYSTALS DON’T DISSOLVE IN COLD LIQUID??
And wow, don’t even get me started on southern shit. I love it. MY DAD GREW UP WITH AN OUTHOUSE OK. I HAVE STORIES.
Southern shit aside, THIS COMIC IS PURE GOLD. <333
Swedish version:
YOU HAVE NO KETTLE SO HEAT WATER USING COFFEE MACHINE
REALISE YOUR TEA WATER TASTES LIKE COFFEE
POUR IT OUT AND MAKE SOME COFFEE INSTEAD
TEA IS FOR HIPPIES
(the only country in the world that drinks more coffee per person is Finland. In an area where it’s pitch black half of the year, you need all the coffee you can get)
